Relationship Advice - Changing Your Mate
We all want to help our mate to be their best. We all want to support them in being great lovers. We all want our mates to win in the world. Yet giving our mate advice often goes awry. Here are some of the most powerful ways you can change your lover for the better.
First off, you need to be very clear what it is that you want them to change. If it seems like your lover has lost interest in you and that things have gotten kind of routine, you can’t just say I want him to be more romantic. That won’t do. He won’t know what romantic means to you. Whenever you are trying to change your mate, start by getting as specific as you can at what behaviors you want changed.
So you need to be more specific. “I want him to wine and dine me once a week.” That is a kind of romance that a person could understand. So you want to be very concrete about what it is you want changed in order to have a hope that it will change.
Next, you want to make an intimate request. When you want your spouse to change, don’t expect them to read your mind. Don’t withhold affection or throw a tantrum. Just ask for what you want. “Honey, I think things are getting a little routine between us. Would you wine and dine me once a week to revive some of the romance?”
Making intimate requests is one of the most powerful and simple ways to change your mate for the positive. Let them know what it is that you want and need. Make a request. Don’t nag, don’t bitch, don’t harp, just ask once or twice for what you want.
Even if your lover doesn’t say yes, it will get them thinking about what you want, and they may often “spontaneously” start to do what you want. But unless you ask, they won’t have a chance to give you what you want unless they are mind readers. Asking for what you want won’t always work, but it is one of your best shots at creating positive change.
Another thing you can do is to model the behavior you want. If you want him to be a better communicator, model that. Let’s say you feel he doesn’t listen to or respect your ideas very much. One thing you can do is start to listen to and respect his ideas even more. Make him feel heard and understood. Appreciate what he is saying. Drink him in while talking.
That way, he can start to see what you want. Couple modeling the behavior you want with requests, and you can really create some positive change. There is much more to the art of changing your mate, but these two tools can help you have the relationship you want.