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Relationship Advice Help - Apologize To Get Ex Back

 When you want your ex back, it helps to have some good relationship intelligence.  However, in school we weren’t taught any relationship skills.  We learned geography and math and science but not relationship skills.  Yet in life, relationship skills count for more happiness than geography, don’t they?

This is never more true than in a break up.  Well, here is some relationship intelligence that can help get your ex back.  Sometimes, a Short, Powerful Apology can get two people past a break up.  If you are willing to fess up for your part in the matter, you can move past a lot of hurt feelings quickly. 

Now, relationships end for a lot of different reasons.  But if yours ended because you did something hurtful to your mate, or you both did hurtful things to each other, sometimes you can get them back with a heartfelt, deep apology.  However, most of us never learned the relationship intelligence to make a deep apology.

It begins with fessing up.  Owning what you did wrong.  Just being willing to say that I did you wrong in this way.  “I cheated on you and I know I hurt you by what I did.”  That is owing what you did.  No mile of excuses and justifications.  You just say what you did wrong as a first human decent step in an apology. 

Once you have done this, you are well on your way to forgiveness.  When we fight with other people, when we hurt them, before they can forgive they need to understand that we recognize the problem.  If you say “I cheated on you and I know this hurt you deeply,” your ex will at least know that you understand basic human feelings.  It is a powerful start. 

Then the next step is something no one ever thinks of when making an apology.  And that is to stop talking and get your ex to talk.  Ask them “How did my actions make you feel?”  When you ask something like that, you open room for your ex to vent.  This is a powerful technique that can make all the difference in a deep apology. 

Your ex is your ex because they are full of bitter, negative emotions about you and what you did.  The good feelings they had for you are covered over by all the negative feelings.  You can’t get them back until they release those bad feelings.  How can they release these feelings?  By venting.  Talking about them.  Getting them off their chest. 

So if they yell at you for fifteen minutes you should be happy!  Because they are actually getting all the angry, hurt feelings off their chest.  After a while of venting, they will be “empty” of the hurt feelings.  Like a balloon that is now deflated.  They will have room to forgive you if they can make room by venting.  There are more steps to an effective deep apology, but these two will get you further than saying “I’m sorry” a hundred times!

Here is how you can start the process of a deep apology. 

  • I’m sorry for my part in this (not listening to you, or being cold to you)
  • I know I hurt you or pissed you off, and I will try not to do that again.
  • How do you feel about what I did?  What are you feeling about this?

This allows the apology to go to a different place than just saying I’m sorry.  You have to help them to let go of their negative feelings so they can forgive you.  These steps will support that in happening. 

The problem is that most people don’t want to accept blame and responsibility, so they have trouble apologizing in a powerful way that can help their mate get past the hurt to forgiveness.  The next problem is that people don’t want their ex to yell at them, so they don’t ask them to vent.   

Follow these two steps and see if your apology can create room for your ex to begin to want you back.  It is much better than just saying I’m sorry!  Apologizing won’t always work, but it will often work to help you reconnect and get past the breakdown.  Sometimes too you can add in these words:

“The Biggest Mistake I’ve Ever Made In My Life” 

You may have realized that losing your ex was the biggest mistake you’ve ever made in your life.  That is good.  That is powerful.  Pain causes change.  You can learn from your mistake and you will be less likely to do it again. 

And, in any of the Immediate Reconnect Strategies you may want to tell your ex exactly that.  “Hon, losing you was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my life.”  That phrase, or ones like it, coming straight from the heart, can be very powerful in bridging the distance between you. 

However, this is something you can only do effectively once.  If you already used it the first time you got kicked out for cheating, you won’t be able to use it the second time. 

So if you want to use this heart felt phrase when you are using some of the above strategies, go ahead.  It can be very dynamic.  Just be clear that you need to mean it, and be sure that you learned from your mistake!

We never got taught relationship skills in school.  Spending a few minutes learning more relationship intelligence can pay off with years of more love, deeper bonding and emotional connection.  Relationship advice can be simple and doesn't need to be hard to follow!

 

 

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