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Relationship Advice - Help On Why Men Leave

 There are many useful things to understand about relationships.  Why men leave is one of them.  There are of course a lot of reasons why this happens.  It can seem like they are infinitely varied. 

However, here is why a lot of men (and women) leave relationships: they feel bad about something in their life and blame it on their partner. It is called projection.

If a man wakes up a few mornings in a row and feels unhappy, he will tend not to own this feeling. He won't just admit he has heavy feelings this morning. Instead, subconsciously, he will tend to look around, see his mate, and blame her. We must be falling out of love!

Of course! She is working a lot and ignoring me. No wonder I feel bad! No wonder I feel tired and drained! She is to blame! (He feels bad equals you are the target for his bad feelings!)

So then he starts in on his girlfriend. "Why do you work so much? Why don't you work less and start going to the gym? Why don't you spend more time working on your appearance?"

Projection occurs in a thousand different ways and levels, many not nearly so obvious as this. And projection occurs in part because we have not been well trained in our society to own and acknowledge our feelings. One of the most common causes of relationships breaking up is projection.

Jim has been feeling off lately. He tells Janey he isn't too happy, and is falling out of love with her. Now, what's happening in reality is that Jim is having some feelings of ennui and emptiness. In the emotional journey that all lives are, "emptiness" has come up for him. It is a feeling we all get as human beings from time to time. He could honestly say to himself "I am having feelings of emptiness. I notice nothing seems to be very exciting lately. Everything, including my love life and work life, seems dull and listless. What an amazing feeling to have!"

He could OWN his feelings, but he's never been trained how to do that! He certainly wasn't taught that in school. By "owning" or acknowledging these feelings to himself, he could begin to integrate them, instead of keep them in his unconscious (the Shadow Side of his psyche). He could become more whole and less split. But no! Most of us are "taught" that if you feel bad, you need a better toothpaste, a new car, a sexier playmate, something outside yourself.

Let's discuss the Shadow Side of the self for a moment. That is the part of our psyche, our subconscious, where feelings we couldn't "own" get "stored." When we can't own a feeling, we split it off to the Shadow Side. Good girls who never get angry, for example, probably have a large Shadow Side of suppressed anger and aggression. Many men also will be generally calm and collected and supposedly "in control." Then something happens like dinner isn't ready and they completely blow their tops, screaming and smashing things about. Hello, Shadow Side!

We all have a shadow side.  We all keep a lid on it more or less effectively.  But it will come out in various ways.  So why do men leave? Often it is because of projection. They project their unhappiness onto you.

We never got taught relationship skills in school.  Spending a few minutes learning more relationship intelligence can pay off with years of more love, deeper bonding and emotional connection.  Relationship advice can be simple and doesn't need to be hard to follow!



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