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Relationship Advice Help - The Pain In Relationships

We all know about the pain that goes with not having a lover. We feel alone, we feel like something isn't right, we feel a loss. Yes, we're all right by ourselves, but we want a partner. It hurts not to have one in our lives in various ways.

But then we all think when we find a mate that that pain should go away, and it does. We feel whole, happy, complete, for a time. The first few months are usually the honeymoon phase, where we feel the most merged with our partner. Everything is great. The pain of not being in a relationship is completely gone.

But the honeymoon phase can't last. After a few months we move into the second phase of relationship, the me/us phase. This period is about being in a relationship but also being separate, following our own goals and interests. We want to be with our mate still, but not ALL the time. And here some pain begins to return.

In the me/us phase, we still love our mate. But perhaps they seem to be too distant, and we might start to feel unloved. Or perhaps they seem too clingy, and we start to feel smothered. Maybe they start to show up for us like they need too much space, or they are too uncommunicative. Issues arise, small or large between us.

When this occurs, and it occurs in all relationships, we start to feel pain. A pain we all feel is that we want the honeymoon phase back, or we want it to last longer. Here's the thing: we have now entered into the pain of being in a relationship. Just as there is pain in not having a lover, there is pain that goes with having one.

Because the honeymoon phase is so fulfilling, we all tend to think our whole relationship should feel that way. But it can't and it won't. There is more to life than finding a mate. There are other journey's we must take. Your intimate relationship was never meant to be the source of all your happiness.

So understand this insight: there will be pain in your relationship. It might be light pain, like wondering if your mate truly loves you anymore, or it may be sharp pain, like fighting and arguing. It might be a low ache, like feeling lonely inside your relationship, or a harsh slap, like feeling rejected by your partner.

The relationship insights around this are several, but to begin with, just understand that intimate relationships come with pain. When you or your partner are feeling pain from the relationship, its okay. There's no need to run. There's no need to hate. The grass isn't greener in another relationship, because another relationship will have heartache as well.

So if you can allow the pains that arise in your relationship to be okay, if you don't run or blame your mate for all the pain, then you can grow through the pain. You can mature. Because a great relationship will have some pain along with the joy.