Relationship Advice Help - The Pain In
We all know about the pain that goes with not
having a lover. We feel alone, we feel like something isn't right,
we feel a loss. Yes, we're all right by ourselves, but we want a
partner. It hurts not to have one in our lives in various ways.
But then we all think when we find a mate that that pain should go
away, and it does. We feel whole, happy, complete, for a time. The
first few months are usually the honeymoon phase, where we feel the
most merged with our partner. Everything is great. The pain of not
being in a relationship is completely gone.
But the honeymoon phase can't last. After a few months we move into
the second phase of relationship, the me/us phase. This period is
about being in a relationship but also being separate, following our
own goals and interests. We want to be with our mate still, but not
ALL the time. And here some pain begins to return.
In the me/us phase, we still love our mate. But perhaps they seem to
be too distant, and we might start to feel unloved. Or perhaps they
seem too clingy, and we start to feel smothered. Maybe they start to
show up for us like they need too much space, or they are too
uncommunicative. Issues arise, small or large between us.
When this occurs, and it occurs in all relationships, we start to
feel pain. A pain we all feel is that we want the honeymoon phase
back, or we want it to last longer. Here's the thing: we have now
entered into the pain of being in a relationship. Just as there is
pain in not having a lover, there is pain that goes with having one.
Because the honeymoon phase is so fulfilling, we all tend to think
our whole relationship should feel that way. But it can't and it
won't. There is more to life than finding a mate. There are other
journey's we must take. Your intimate relationship was never meant
to be the source of all your happiness.
So understand this insight: there will be pain in your relationship.
It might be light pain, like wondering if your mate truly loves you
anymore, or it may be sharp pain, like fighting and arguing. It
might be a low ache, like feeling lonely inside your relationship,
or a harsh slap, like feeling rejected by your partner.
The relationship insights around this are several, but to begin
with, just understand that intimate relationships come with pain.
When you or your partner are feeling pain from the relationship, its
okay. There's no need to run. There's no need to hate. The grass
isn't greener in another relationship, because another relationship
will have heartache as well.
So if you can allow the pains that arise in your relationship to be
okay, if you don't run or blame your mate for all the pain, then you
can grow through the pain. You can mature. Because a great
relationship will have some pain along with the joy.
We never got taught relationship skills in school.
Spending a few minutes learning more relationship intelligence can pay
off with years of more love, deeper bonding and emotional connection.
Relationship advice can be simple and doesn't need to be hard to