Intimacy

Intimacy is something we all Want.  It is one of the needs of life, a feeling of close connection with another.  It's one of the things that drives us to get into relationships.   And yet, once we're in a relationship, intimacy comes and goes, and over time, it can be difficult to maintain. 

Over time, intimacy becomes something that often seems elusive and we struggle to try to get it or keep it.  Our intimacy needs can drive us to get a divorce, because if we aren't feeling intimate with our mate, we know we have to search elsewhere for it.

We all have intimacy needs.  These are hardwired into our systems.  Men and women have different approaches to getting their intimacy needs met.  You've heard the saying "Women give sex to get love, and men give love to get sex."  This saying points to an underlying theme about sex in relationships. 

Men equate intimacy with sex.  One of the primary ways men go about getting their intimacy needs met is through sex.  When they feel the need to be close, they want sex.  After climax, they often retreat behind their walls until the intimacy need builds up and they want sex again.

Women generally have a broader intimacy structure.  They enjoy sexual intimacy, and they can also get their intimacy needs met non sexually.  Women can feel intimate through verbal communication, as well as physical closeness.

Intimacy is not something that once attained, you have it forever.  In a long term relationship, you need to keep working on it.  Sex is a powerful way to experience it, but in relationships you can have sex and not feel particularly close or intimate. 

Communication is a great way to experience it, but it isn't in the words.  It is in feeling completely accepted by and open to another.  You can experience great intimacy with your mate without speaking a word or touching, and you can be touching and talking with your partner and feel none of it.

Intimacy does not have to be something that you lose over time with your mate, or struggle a lifetime to gain.  You can learn to create it on purpose in your relationships with some focus and simple shifts in behavior.

Intimacy is an ongoing inquiry.  To find out more about it, we have a free course on Relationship Intelligence called 7 Vital Love Insights You Never Learned In School.  Click on the link to take this course and continue your quest for developing greater intimacy.

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