Relationship Advice On Passive Aggression
Passive aggression. It can hurt a relationship. We all get into relationships to be happy. We want to feel loved and have a good time with our partner. This is how most intimate relationships start out. We are both happy and having a good time, feeling special and making our partner feel special.
Then, over time, that happiness and love begins to fade. Usually after six months or so we move from the “honeymoon phase” of the relationship to the “working out problems” phase of the relationship. There is more distance and more conflict and less happiness in most relationships after the honeymoon phase wears off.
There are many ways to work on the relationship to make it better and happier once you move into the later stages. One way to do this is to avoid being passive aggressive in your relationship. Passive aggressive behavior is when you express feelings of frustration or anger by doing underhanded or manipulative things.
So if you are angry at your partner, you may “forget” to pick up dinner like you said you would. Or you may say everything is “fine” but act cold and distant towards your mate. You make your displeasure known in indirect ways.
This kind of behavior creates a lot of long term issues in a relationship. It may get attention from your mate in the short term, but will cause damage over time. It is childish and comes from an expectation that your mate should just know how you feel or what they did “wrong.” It is a way to try to force them to be mind readers, and they aren’t so it just adds stress.
Instead of passive aggressive behavior, you can try this. When you are upset about something, tell your mate. When this happens, I get made.. When you do this it bothers me. When I feel ignored, I want to get back at you. These kinds of communications help in lots of ways to make things better.
First of all, it let’s your mate know where you stand and what is going on with you. They don’t have to be mind readers or magicians. And, it helps them to know how what they are doing affects you. Then they can change their behavior to make it more pleasing to you. Most of us want our mates to be happy, and when we know what makes them unhappy we try to do something else.
This is a long term recipe for happiness. Working on conflict is a way to help a relationship survive. So if you stop being passive aggressive and start letting your mate know how they make you feel when certain things happen, you will gain more happiness long term.