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Relationship Advice Troubled Relationships

We all have learned the truth of this.  It is undeniable.  One of the things about relationships that you can count on is that they will have problems. We all will face relationship troubles during our marriage. You will want different things, you will argue or fight or withdraw in stony silence, you will feel hurt, you may even have thoughts of divorce or separation. It goes with relationship.

On top of these kinds of troubles, romance will lessen over time. In the beginning you felt deeply in love and need for each other, but after a few years you will become more familiar and take each other more for granted. This is normal. When you first learned to drive a car, it was a thrill. Now it is a chore. Romance kinda works the same way. It becomes more routine.

The thing is that there are stages to all intimate relationships. The first stage is the sweetest and most passionate, called the "honeymoon" stage. You want to be together all the time. You think about your partner all the time. Everything seems perfect and you feel so happy and in love. However, the honeymoon stage is not going to last forever. It must pass into the next stage.

The next stage is "separation" or "me/us." You begin to move back from your partner some and focus on your own goals and your own interests and friends. This is perfectly natural, however, a lot of relationship troubles start at this stage.  If you understand this, you will be ahead of the game.

As mentioned, moving from the honeymoon phase to the me/us phase is where a lot of relationship troubles happen. "Why don't you want to spend more time with me?" asks one partner. The other might reply "Why can't you give me some space?"

Both views are valid, but each wonders what happened to the deep feelings of love in the honeymoon stage. Men often will begin to blame their partner, and think of cheating or leaving during this stage.

On the other hand women will tend to internalize the problems. Do I need to go on a diet? Do I need to be more pleasing in some way? But you both need to basically be mature enough to understand that the "oceanic love" phase of the relationship has ended. Keep the relationship fun, but develop and move forward with your own goals and interests.

After me and us, there comes the long term companionship stage. Will you be happy together with less passion? Will you have more contentment or more frustration? Will you respect each other and work to live as best friends, or will you feel lost and lonely and like you just have a roommate?

So breakdowns occur in relationship. They occur in mine, they occur in Dr Phil's, they occur in yours. If you get two human beings together for very long, "issues" will arise. It's part of the basic nature of relationship. Learn to work through issues as they come up and you will be rewarded with long term love!

It takes some work, and some understanding, but that is what you need to navigate long term relationship success.

We never got taught relationship skills in school.  Spending a few minutes learning more relationship intelligence can pay off with years of more love, deeper bonding and emotional connection. 

 

 

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