We all have learned the truth of this. It
is undeniable. One of the things about relationships that you
can count on is that they will have problems. We all will face
relationship troubles during our marriage. You will want different
things, you will argue or fight or withdraw in stony silence, you
will feel hurt, you may even have thoughts of divorce or separation.
It goes with relationship.
On top of these kinds of troubles, romance will lessen over time. In
the beginning you felt deeply in love and need for each other, but
after a few years you will become more familiar and take each other
more for granted. This is normal. When you first learned to drive a
car, it was a thrill. Now it is a chore. Romance kinda works the
same way. It becomes more routine.
The thing is that there are stages to all intimate relationships.
The first stage is the sweetest and most passionate, called the
"honeymoon" stage. You want to be together all the time. You think
about your partner all the time. Everything seems perfect and you
feel so happy and in love. However, the honeymoon stage is not going
to last forever. It must pass into the next stage.
The next stage is "separation" or "me/us." You begin to move back
from your partner some and focus on your own goals and your own
interests and friends. This is perfectly natural, however, a lot of
relationship troubles start at this stage. If you understand
this, you will be ahead of the game.
As mentioned, moving from the honeymoon phase to the me/us phase is where a lot of
relationship troubles happen. "Why don't you want to spend more time
with me?" asks one partner. The other might reply "Why can't you
give me some space?"
Both views are valid, but each wonders what
happened to the deep feelings of love in the honeymoon stage. Men
often will begin to blame their partner, and think of cheating or
leaving during this stage.
On the other hand women will tend to internalize the problems. Do I
need to go on a diet? Do I need to be more pleasing in some way? But
you both need to basically be mature enough to understand that the
"oceanic love" phase of the relationship has ended. Keep the
relationship fun, but develop and move forward with your own goals
After me and us, there comes the long term companionship stage. Will
you be happy together with less passion? Will you have more
contentment or more frustration? Will you respect each other and
work to live as best friends, or will you feel lost and lonely and
like you just have a roommate?
So breakdowns occur in relationship. They occur in mine, they occur
in Dr Phil's, they occur in yours. If you get two human beings
together for very long, "issues" will arise. It's part of the basic
nature of relationship. Learn to work through issues as they come up
and you will be rewarded with long term love!
It takes some work, and some understanding, but
that is what you need to navigate long term relationship success.
We never got taught relationship skills in school.
Spending a few minutes learning more relationship intelligence can pay
off with years of more love, deeper bonding and emotional connection.