Relationships can be repaired.
Don't give up hope! By building your relationship
intelligence, you can learn to navigate relationships better and
avoid some pitfalls and recover from others. So any time you
can spend developing your relationship intelligence and love skills
will help you.
One way to repair relationships is to learn
more about conflict. Conflict is going to happen in
relationships - yours and everyone else's you know.
There are many useful things to understand
about conflict. A first one is that conflict is going to happen in
any love relationship. Most people think there is a problem if
there is conflict. They try to avoid it. It can be much
more useful to learn how to deal with it than to run around trying
to avoid it all the time. There are some good ways to deal
with conflict and a lot of bad ways.
Understand this: if you deal with conflict in some of the
following ways, you can kill your relationship. Trying to dominate
your partner by shouting or screaming at them is common but a big
danger sign. Mocking your partner or insulting them during conflict
is another way to cause lasting relationship damage.
There are some good things you can do during and after conflict. You
can start by taking a few deep gulps of air while you are in
conflict. Notice your reactions to the conflict as you do this. You
will often see two adults reverting to the emotional age of six year
Notice while breathing that conflict causes crappy conduct. People
yell, scream, throw things, withdraw behind a wall of silence, hate
on their mates. You don't need to take it too personally. It isn't
personal, it is just adults being frustrated and acting like kids.
Try not to take it personally.
One powerful thing you can do is to keep the argument from getting
too heated. Disarm and de-escalate it. You might say that you need
some time to get yourself under control, then leave the room for a
few minutes. When you come back, you will both be likely to talk in
a more civil manner.
Also, once you've finished the immediate argument, don't withhold
your affection. Don't refuse to touch or caress your partner for
days just because they fought with you. This can end up killing your
Also it is important to reconnect with your mate as soon as you can
after an argument. Rather than let the hurt feelings between you
linger and simmer, go up to them and say "sorry we had a fight like
that, are you all right?" Do this even if the fight wasn't your
fault, it will help you both avoid lasting relationship damage.
Reconnecting quickly is an important way to
deal healthily with conflict. Letting anger simmer can turn
your relationship into poison. Don't do this. Get back
to your mate with a reconnecting line of some kind, just to ease the
tension. "I hate it when we fight like that, don't you?"
A little humor can go a long way to avoiding
and resolving conflict. See if you can find places to insert
some humor into your relationship.
Dealing well with conflict takes practice and time to learn. But it
is well worth it. You're going to argue, the question is can you do
so in a way that doesn't kill off your relationship over time.
We never got taught relationship skills in school.
Spending a few minutes learning more relationship intelligence can pay
off with years of more love, deeper bonding and emotional connection.
Relationship advice can be simple and doesn't need to be hard to