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True Love

Everyone wants true love.  You want it.  I want it.  We dream about it, we watch movies about it, we hope and long for it.  We are hardwired physically with intimacy needs about true love.  Yes, we actually have physical need to feel true love in our lives. 

So we work hard to get into a good relationship and things go great for a time.  We feel excited and happy and we sense the wonderful feeling of true love.  But over time, the longer we stay together, that feeling starts to go away.  We often start to see their warts or they see ours and this can cause conflict and divorce.

Keeping true love is much harder than finding it, isn’t it?  If not, we’d still be with our first high school crush.  So what can you do to keep true love?  There are many things.

The first thing is to realize that there are phases to all relationships.  The honeymoon "there's only you" phase will not last.  The next phase is the me/us period, where separation and getting on with your own goals starts to become important.  But true love isn't gone in this phase, it just changes its feel. 

Another thing that is vital to understand with true love is that it is about giving as well as receiving.  You have to give your time and loving attention to your mate regularly.  And your mate has to give some loving attention to you.  You can’t keep true love if you are doing all the giving or all the receiving.

A third important factor to keeping true love alive is simple yet very powerful.  This factor is PLAY.  The more you play with your mate, the closer and more intimate you will feel.  Too often the burdens of adulthood take over our lives and we forget to make time to play with our mate.

Do you have a regular date night?  Do you have a few things you enjoy doing together?  Playing together may be hard if you’ve gotten out of the habit, but with a little attention you can start to bring some back.  And studies have shown the more play the less fighting and conflict.  Play is good!

True love is not static.  It is an ongoing effort.  But don't give up on true love because it is challenging.  Pay attention to the factors that increase it and keep learning more about it and you will reap the rewards of having more true love in your love life. 

There is much more learn about true love, but here are a few action steps:

How much giving do you do in your relationship?  How much taking do you do?  And the same questions for your mate.  If you give too much, what can you do to receive some more pleasure from your partner?  If you take too much, how can you balance this with more giving?

How much play do you have now in your relationship compared to the beginning?  Do you do things regularly that you both enjoy?  Are you playing in bed or is it getting more mechanical?

 If you would like to learn more, you can read about this and other skills in the book How To Have The Relationship You Want. 

Here are some links to other information that can be of help.