Everyone wants true love. You want it. I
want it. We dream about it, we watch movies about it, we hope
and long for it. We are hardwired physically with intimacy needs
about true love. Yes, we actually have physical need to feel true
love in our lives.
So we work hard to get into a good relationship and things go great
for a time. We feel excited and happy and we sense the wonderful
feeling of true love. But over time, the longer we stay together,
that feeling starts to go away. We often start to see their warts
or they see ours and this can cause conflict and divorce.
Keeping true love is much harder than finding it, isn’t it? If not,
we’d still be with our first high school crush. So what can you do
to keep true love? There are many things.
The first thing is to realize that there are phases to all
relationships. The honeymoon "there's only you" phase will not
last. The next phase is the me/us period, where separation and
getting on with your own goals starts to become important. But true
love isn't gone in this phase, it just changes its feel.
Another thing that is vital to understand with true love is that it
is about giving as well as receiving. You have to give your time
and loving attention to your mate regularly. And your mate has to
give some loving attention to you. You can’t keep true love if you
are doing all the giving or all the receiving.
A third important factor to keeping true love alive is simple yet
very powerful. This factor is PLAY. The more you play with your
mate, the closer and more intimate you will feel. Too often the
burdens of adulthood take over our lives and we forget to make time
to play with our mate.
Do you have a regular date night? Do you have a few things you
enjoy doing together? Playing together may be hard if you’ve gotten
out of the habit, but with a little attention you can start to bring
some back. And studies have shown the more play the less fighting
and conflict. Play is good!
True love is not static. It is an ongoing effort. But don't give
up on true love because it is challenging. Pay attention to the
factors that increase it and keep learning more about it and you
will reap the rewards of having more true love in your love life.
much more learn about true love, but here are a few action steps:
giving do you do in your relationship? How much taking do you
do? And the same questions for your mate. If you give
too much, what can you do to receive some more pleasure from your
partner? If you take too much, how can you balance this with
play do you have now in your relationship compared to the beginning?
Do you do things regularly that you both enjoy? Are you
playing in bed or is it getting more mechanical?
If you would like to
learn more, you can read about this and other skills in the book
How To Have The Relationship You Want.
Here are some links to other
information that can be of help.
We never got taught
true love skills in school.
Spending a few minutes learning more relationship intelligence can pay
off with years of more true love, deeper bonding and emotional connection.