If you are involved in an abusive relationship, take heart! It is a great learning opportunity and the pain involved should help you to learn quickly!
First, you might want to determine the level of abuse. Is it low to midlevel emotional or verbal abuse, where your mate is highly critical and judgmental? Do they make comments that shame you or put you down? Do they insult you and make disparaging comments from time to time? Often, these issues can be worked out within the relationship.
A higher level of abuse is physical or strong emotional. If you are being hit or physically threatened by your mate, or repeatedly verbally and emotionally abused, called names, denigrated, degraded, or if your mate tries to control you and not let you make your own decisions about friends and family and how to spend your free time, then this is high level abuse. Often, these issues may require you to leave or separate from the relationship for a while to create and maintain healthy boundaries.
If you are in a relationship where you are experiencing what you've determined to be low to midlevel abuse, where you get put down or insulted occasionally, where it is situational, not daily or weekly, then you should first go to a therapist by yourself and discuss your situation and get immediate personal coaching. Yes, you can read books and watch Dr Phil, but if you even think you are being abused go get some professional coaching. A one hour visit can support you in many ways.
If you are in a relationship where you are experiencing mid to high level abuse, take heart. You may feel a lot of shame or fear from time to time, and lot of hope at other times that it can be worked out. You may feel like you deserve some of the abuse, and you may feel sorry for your family and your children and your mate at times. But if you are visiting this page because you are in a highly abusive relationship, you have already begun to take action, which is a great first step.
The next step is for you to go visit a therapist or relationship counselor. Go to your browser now and do a search on relationship therapists in your city. That is a great second step. Get some personal counseling on your situation and some outside perspectives on the many ways you can deal with it. But whatever you do, TALK to someone!