Relationship Advice Help - 3 Intimacy Keys

Studies have been done that show that over time in relationships intimacy diminishes. The studies looked at several factors like frequency of touch, eye contact, verbal connection, and other factors.

This is because intimacy is not some mysterious feeling that just comes in and out of our lives.  Intimacy has causal connections and expressions.  For example, eye contact is an indicator of intimacy.  Over time we tend to look in the area of the eyes when talking with our mate.  This is not as powerful as direct eye contact, which in the beginning of our relationship we made more often.  So eye contact is a causal factor for intimacy or its lack.

Looking at several intimacy causal factors, the studies have shown that across the board in most relationships and marriages intimacy factors decrease over time.

This means that the longer you are in a relationship, the less intimacy you are likely to experience as a couple. Over a long period of time, you can end up feeling more like roommates.   This is a fairly common experience for people in long term relationships.

Diminishing intimacy in your relationship does not have to be your fate. You can actually take steps to increase the level of intimacy you experience with your lover over time. Here are a few things you can do beginning today to have more intimacy:

Step One: Engage in more small, connective talk. It may surprise you, but small talk that connects has been demonstrated to be a big deal in creating more intimacy. The studies found that the more small talk, the less big blow out fights partners have. Further, they show that lovers report more satisfaction in their marriages where they had more small connective talk about little things and observations during their day.

Connective talk is simple.  You say things like "nice to see the sun out today."  Your mate responds with "yes it is.  You say something like "I think I'll spend some time in it cleaning the patio off."  Your mate says "that will be good.  I have to work late today, so I'll miss out on the sun mostly."  You say...

Small connective talk is simply sharing observations about your day and life with your mate. 

Step Two: Nonsexual physical contact. Look, intimacy leaves clues. How often you hug or touch your mate, how often you look them in the eye made a big difference in lovers reported feelings of intimacy or lack thereof. Aim to have six hugs or rubs a day with your mate. Touch them! And, look your mate right in the eye when talking. These simple things actually affect our experience of intimacy.

Step Three: Appreciation. The ego tends to compare itself to how it thinks other people are doing all the time. It's easy to always focus on what seems to be missing in our relationships, which can lead to dissatisfaction and divorce. But you can make a little BIG change by simply finding 3 things each day you appreciate about your lover. This leads to more expressions of affection.

There are lots of other factors that impact the experience of intimacy in marriage. But these three things are simple and you can practice them several times each day to actually improve your experience of intimacy with your mate.  And you can begin to explore other intimacy factors that are important to the both of you and practice them more often also.

Additionally, there is a lot more relationship intelligence like this that is easy to learn that will add to the quality of your love life. Developing intimate relationship skills now can help you for years into the future.

Check out the links below for other relationship intelligence you can use today.

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Intimacy is an ongoing inquiry.  To find out more about it, we have a free course on Relationship Intelligence called 7 Vital Love Insights You Never Learned In School.  Click on the link to take this course and continue your quest for developing greater intimacy.


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