Relationship Advice Help - 3 Intimacy Keys
Studies have been done that show
that over time in relationships intimacy diminishes. The studies looked at
several factors like frequency of touch, eye contact, verbal connection, and
This is because intimacy is not some
mysterious feeling that just comes in and out of our lives. Intimacy
has causal connections and expressions. For example, eye contact is an
indicator of intimacy. Over time we tend to look in the area of the
eyes when talking with our mate. This is not as powerful as direct eye
contact, which in the beginning of our relationship we made more often.
So eye contact is a causal factor for intimacy or its lack.
Looking at several intimacy causal
factors, the studies have shown that across the board in most relationships
and marriages intimacy factors decrease over time.
This means that the longer you are in a relationship, the less intimacy you
are likely to experience as a couple. Over a long period of time, you can
end up feeling more like roommates. This is a fairly common
experience for people in long term relationships.
Diminishing intimacy in your relationship does not have to be your fate. You
can actually take steps to increase the level of intimacy you experience
with your lover over time. Here are a few things you can do beginning today
to have more intimacy:
Step One: Engage in more small, connective talk. It may surprise you, but
small talk that connects has been demonstrated to be a big deal in creating
more intimacy. The studies found that the more small talk, the less big blow
out fights partners have. Further, they show that lovers report more
satisfaction in their marriages where they had more small connective talk
about little things and observations during their day.
Connective talk is simple. You
say things like "nice to see the sun out today." Your mate responds
with "yes it is. You say something like "I think I'll spend some time
in it cleaning the patio off." Your mate says "that will be good.
I have to work late today, so I'll miss out on the sun mostly." You
Small connective talk is simply
sharing observations about your day and life with your mate.
Step Two: Nonsexual physical contact. Look, intimacy leaves clues. How often
you hug or touch your mate, how often you look them in the eye made a big
difference in lovers reported feelings of intimacy or lack thereof. Aim to
have six hugs or rubs a day with your mate. Touch them! And, look your mate
right in the eye when talking. These simple things actually affect our
experience of intimacy.
Step Three: Appreciation. The ego tends to compare itself to how it thinks
other people are doing all the time. It's easy to always focus on what seems
to be missing in our relationships, which can lead to dissatisfaction and
divorce. But you can make a little BIG change by simply finding 3 things
each day you appreciate about your lover. This leads to more expressions of
There are lots of other factors that impact the experience of intimacy in
marriage. But these three things are simple and you can practice them
several times each day to actually improve your experience of intimacy with
your mate. And you can begin to explore other intimacy factors that
are important to the both of you and practice them more often also.
Additionally, there is a lot more relationship intelligence like this that
is easy to learn that will add to the quality of your love life. Developing
intimate relationship skills now can help you for years into the future.
Check out the links below for other relationship
intelligence you can use today.
The Train Your Mate
Get Your Ex Back In
Love With You
Self Help for
Relationship Advice Newsletter
Relationship Advice Blog
Intimacy is an ongoing inquiry.
To find out more about it, we have a free course on Relationship
Intelligence called 7 Vital Love Insights You Never
Learned In School. Click on the link to take this course and
continue your quest for developing greater intimacy.